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Little More Time

Orange Skies Caravan Plane“Give me just a little more time,
I don’t want to
Leave the weight in this place behind.
Oh, give me just a little more time.”

-ZOX, A Little More Time

This song cemented itself in my head a month ago and won’t leave. Every Sunday night, I drive home from the dropzone as the sun lights up the mountains to the West. The clouds this time of year crown the landscape with golds and oranges and I wish, I plead with the forces of natures to give me more time before winter sets in.

This summer, this season held a weight, a substantiality, a quality of something vast. It was a big season; there won’t be any other like it and I can’t let it go yet. Anxiety hangs around me when I’m in plane as it’s climbing to altitude; I can’t relive this summer and I can’t make it last any longer.

For weeks, I looked forward to now, when things slowed down. With a pause in sight now, my mindset is shifting. The travel, the training, the jumps. The dollars spent, the nights in bunkhouses, the miles in rental cars. The organizing, the events, the hours of sending personalized invites, the worry, whether attendance would be worth the effort put forth. It seemed insurmountable and exhaustion and self-doubt lurked around all season, ready to swallow me up. But now, I just want a little more time.

Firsts are singular. There is no way to repeat first Nationals, first tandem jump, first training camps, first podium, first 3way scrambles, first load organizing, first skills camp. The season is in the books and our memories have to be enough, because there is no repeating a first.

The season closes and those become pieces of my history, instead of recent events.

This season, my community grew by depth and breadth. Personal connections multiplied and the ones that existed grew deeper. I found a home DZ. I want so badly for things to not change because they have been so good this season.

Things always change, often for the better. Sometimes not. Not knowing what is next is hard. Haze on the horizon is unsettling so I’ll keep on imploring the powers that be for a little more time.

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